freispiel kunstmuseum solothurn
works on paper and paintings
bright reflections
written for http://www.twitartmagazine.com
i do not really know why i am drawn to make portraits. it is really such a completely natural thing for me. it is where the juice is. i am not an artist who has a great ability to render objects as such, say a cube, for instance, or someone's pullover left hanging from a chair. my whole attraction as a person and as an artist is toward the figure, and for me the face is the most subtle and expressive part of that figure. if someone asks me why i make portraits, well, how honest can i be. on one level i could be very brutal. i could say perhaps it is because i want to get attention. or i might think that i don't like myself, but i will try anyway to make a beautiful drawing which is more wonderful than myself and therefore people will like me and the drawing i have made. but it is all really a very intimate thing. on the other hand i also like being generous, like bringing beauty and tenderness and wholeness to the world. i could say that i love to generously offer things of love to the world, things of beauty. all these things are true.
over the last year i have been drawing and painting an unusual amount
of self-portraits. i am not sure if i know exactly why. a very
practical reason is that i am the only living thing that i have to
draw. i am living alone and my studio has a large section of wall
mirrors at one end. it is there that i sit in the best light to work
and it is there in front of me that i see a figure with a face. it is
me.
each morning brings forth a new and different aspect of my being. there
are joyful days with humor in the air and a lightness under foot and
others when the entire weight of world rests on my shoulders. there are
days of hopelessness, days of sadness, days of shining courage, days of
laughter, days of total doubt, and days of simply feeling pretty or
ugly for that matter. so i am fortunate to have each day another
character to render in terms of mood, line and color. and what is so
interesting, and is also some kind of paradox, is that i am the mood
itself which is depicting the mood of my modal as seen in the mirror. i
am the situation but at the same time i am outside the situation. it is
a very interesting puzzle, one that has endless fascination.
i don't know really why i draw myself. perhaps if i thought about it i
might make up some ideas. maybe it's a way for me to be a little gentle
with myself, to see and connect with myself, to nurture my self. i know
that in doing art one is involved in a process that is self-nurturing
and at its best will nurture others and be a balm for loneliness. i
think this depends on the degree of honesty and intimacy in the work.
if i nurture myself properly then i also have the opportunity to
nurture the people who look at my art. so i can only trust that this
deep desire in me to complete myself, to fulfill myself, to connect
with myself, and most importantly to have compassion for myself is a
very real thing with beneficial results.
in summary, i think that the most important thing for me in doing the
self portraits, is to have enough sympathy and respect for all my many
aspects, no matter how embarrassing or revealing. and to touch each one
tenderly as they might manifest day after day with my brush, and to be
a good friend to all that i am. it is very helpful for me and perhaps
it is also helpful to others. it appears that this is true from all
that i hear in response to my most recent show at the kunstmuseum in
solothurn.
verena baumann, switzerland
"chocolates", mixed media on vintage paper, gold acrylics